I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T do you know what that mean? (In my Webbie voice)

I'm sure this chick didn't have a man

Ok, ok, ok so some of these songs out here got women feeling all empowered, like they could take on the world and at the same time do it WITHOUT men! Remember when Destiny’s Child came out with Independent Women? I know I do and it’s still in rotation on my iPod (don’t judge me, I still love DC). Or when Webbie came out with his very hood version song of what an independent woman was, I certainly remember him saying something like “she got her own house, she got her own car, two jobs work hard you a bad broad…” I find nothing wrong with the message these lyrics convey.


I’m just going to say it and get it over with…some of us ladies take it a bit too far with the independent woman thing (*wipes forehead* There! I said it). I’m so proud of you who got your bachelor’s, master’s, and/or doctoral degree, I’m proud of the single mother raising two kids and holding down two jobs, I’m proud of the up and coming supermodel, business owner, music/film producer, or whatever else your accomplishment may be.

But, there’s always a but, do we have to forget about the men along the way? I mean, we still need them right? Your degrees can’t hold you at night, take you to the theater, laugh at your lame jokes, hug you when you’ve had a bad day, tell you that you’re beautiful, take you to the movies, stay up all night on the phone with you, send that sweet text during your long and hard day, or tell you ‘I love you.’

For all the independent women out there that are serious about wanting a man to pursue them, you’ve got to learn to let a man take the lead sometimes. Let a man be a man and trust me, you will go far. Do you really want to push him away with all your talk about how you don’t need him? And it’s not just talk, it can become apparent in your actions as well. If you have some idea about how men work, then great you’re already a step ahead when I give this example. Men are fixers. They’re really not all that concerned with the small talk that us ladies like to engage in with our girls. So, for example, say you’ve been trying to fix something ( I don’t know, a umm computer or something with your car) and he offers to help you several times, but you refuse him every time by saying you’ll just let someone else look at it. Even though he may know jack squat about fixing computers or a car, just oblige him and let him give it a try. What’s the worse that could happen? You stroke his ego by making him feel that he contributed to you in some way? He already knows that you can take care of yourself, but if you remind him every 10 seconds that you don’t need him he will eventually find a woman who does need him. One sure-fire way to run a man off is to bruise his ego. No matter how beautiful you are, how much money you make, or the connections you have in any industry the man will just no longer be attracted to you and will find another woman who will let him be a man. Be proud of your accomplishments, but don’t let them ruin your chances with love.

Jessica Y. Adams


16 responses to “I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T do you know what that mean? (In my Webbie voice)


  2. idk i agree but also disagree reason being is just that some men are different overall your massage is true, but in some cases (lazy men) if u let them lead as a MAN u wont get nowhere so u have to step up and wear the pants in the relationship… sometime men dont wanna step up until they see your doing everything making the money taking care of the house hold, so 9 times out of ten he has NO say with what goes on, then that’s when he wanna find himself worthy of something.. idk maybe im bugging but im speaking from past experience

  3. @Tyese I totally get what you’re saying. But the one thing I’ve learned from my experiences is that I’ve got to find a man who knows how to lead. Men are natural born leaders, and some of them just haven’t tapped into their leadership abilities yet.

  4. Your right, there are MANY exceptions, some guys are just lazy and have nothing to do with there lives but sit around and live like there still being nurtured by there parents.

    But i believe jessica was aiming more at the women who take the independent thing to the head. Its ok to have your own, do your own and be your own, But material things should have no say in a relationship.

    i drive an acura integra, 1991, stick shift (bought it for 400 bux, **hooked it up tho, sweet 😉 ) but i should be afraid to talk to a girl in an audi. which i am, cuase i dont wanta hear the “you aint shi, i don’t need you”.

    Independent women are good, but i think most of them have forgoting that we have to play our roll, SOMETIMES!!

  5. sorry .. ment to say “shoudnt Be afraid to talk to …..”

  6. Most men, probably ninety percent of us, have the innate knowledge to be providers. So ladies, if the men you are dealing with allow you to wear the pants in the relationship, he is not a man at all; but simply just a child playing grown up. A real man will be able to handle a independent woman, in a respectful manner of course. A real man will not be jealous of his woman’s success, because he knows that every good man has a good woman by his side.

  7. @Denny P and you keep on driving your Acura too because it’s paid for!!!! A wise woman will see this and take note…”ok, he’s not out here living above his means, but he’s still ambitious at the same time.” You keep right on bypassing the chick that’s in the Audi that dissing you because guess what? SHE AIN’T WORTH IT. The more mature Jessica has learned to stop measuring a man’s worth by what he’s driving, but by his ambition, will, determination, and mind-set. That kind of man will have longevity and the pockets to match.

  8. Only an intimidated guy would be scared to talk to a woman with a better car or career, but yea some woman to take it to the extreme and some just have no choice, it all depends on your situation. It also depends on how far the relationship has gone, if they’re living together etc… You say material things should have no say in a relationship (denny) but what happens when they fight or need time apart and he says well im taking (so and so) and she says u cant take that i bought it.. LOL , and (jessica) I also dont think where u said “your degrees cant hold u at night or send you cute text when done with a hard day of work” Thats more for the SINGLE independent woman lol… I do think men are natural born leaders but we are stronger (not physically tho) and thats why we for some reason feel its our duty to step up.

  9. lolls, Tyese .. that situation is not a male trait to say “im taking this” thats a human trait. either side will do that, independent, childish, grown, dont matter, both sides will try to get the best out before the break.

    like KJ said, any man who allows his women to take the lead, is not a real man at all.

    i agree with you, to an extent on the women being stronger. in terms of controlling a mans choices, views & actions women have that over us. But with this whole independent abuse, it’s all going out the picture. Women are forgetting to try and control & keep there man in place, and looking more on trying to keep there “Independent” status a float…. independence has a lot to do with being on your own, doing it by oneself, and being alone.. the other stuff is cool. but NOBODY WANTS TO BE ALONE!!! 😦

    but best believe you will hear “independent women” say … “i dont need you, i dont need nobody, i can do this by myself”

  10. When the man’s trying to be the head and the woman is trying to be the head too, they both just end up bumping heads…

  11. Soooo true!!!Being independent is a good thing.it sure is!!!!props to all the women who do everything 4 themselves,but women do need that comfort from a guy to help them maintain. it’s a front when women say”i don’t need u” or “i don;t need him” (i do it all the time). in all reality,us women can;t do without em unless you’re a lez or something,n still!lesbians need em 2

  12. Man this is deep but yet the truth and not because I’m a man because I am going threw this as we speak or type lol this is tight Jessica

  13. Miss I wont settle

    Great Points! But Are you saying Independent women should settle? Is ego boosting going to be a daily part of our relationships? You name all of these accomplishments the women have made and I feel like you just generalize men with the encompassing “average male” title. Is this what we have to come to nowadays? A woman with a PHD at the end of her name and then her partner doesn’t even have any kind of education or ambition but to want to be the Ego-male? (OK OK that’s a bit extreme)…but u see what I’m saying right? Why even play games…If a man isn’t confident… he doesn’t deserve to be with a Strong Independent Woman. Point blank. Equally yoked over here…

  14. @Miss I won’t settle….Nooooooo I don’t want us to settle! I’m the poster-child for being equally yolked. This posts specific goal was for the women to take a look at ourselves. There are some of us who have men that we’re “equally yolked” with, but some of us continue to emasculate them with our “Miss Independepent” antics. If he’s your equal yolk, then he’ll have no problem with letting you hold your own, but you’ve got to know that man was made in the likeness of God and you have to let God be God and a man be a man.

  15. Jessica u said it. This is what I’ve been trying to tell some of my friends. Before I went to college my mom basically sat down with me and said the same words you said in your article. Basically she said she made that mistake in her life with men. She said she was so stuck on that independent tip till she was lonely then she realized what the problem was & I was headed down the Same path. I still have my issues with letting my husband take the lead but I’m getting better. Thanks for posting this….well put together.

  16. I totally agree

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