Ok, ok, ok so some of these songs out here got women feeling all empowered, like they could take on the world and at the same time do it WITHOUT men! Remember when Destiny’s Child came out with Independent Women? I know I do and it’s still in rotation on my iPod (don’t judge me, I still love DC). Or when Webbie came out with his very hood version song of what an independent woman was, I certainly remember him saying something like “she got her own house, she got her own car, two jobs work hard you a bad broad…” I find nothing wrong with the message these lyrics convey.
I’m just going to say it and get it over with…some of us ladies take it a bit too far with the independent woman thing (*wipes forehead* There! I said it). I’m so proud of you who got your bachelor’s, master’s, and/or doctoral degree, I’m proud of the single mother raising two kids and holding down two jobs, I’m proud of the up and coming supermodel, business owner, music/film producer, or whatever else your accomplishment may be.
But, there’s always a but, do we have to forget about the men along the way? I mean, we still need them right? Your degrees can’t hold you at night, take you to the theater, laugh at your lame jokes, hug you when you’ve had a bad day, tell you that you’re beautiful, take you to the movies, stay up all night on the phone with you, send that sweet text during your long and hard day, or tell you ‘I love you.’
For all the independent women out there that are serious about wanting a man to pursue them, you’ve got to learn to let a man take the lead sometimes. Let a man be a man and trust me, you will go far. Do you really want to push him away with all your talk about how you don’t need him? And it’s not just talk, it can become apparent in your actions as well. If you have some idea about how men work, then great you’re already a step ahead when I give this example. Men are fixers. They’re really not all that concerned with the small talk that us ladies like to engage in with our girls. So, for example, say you’ve been trying to fix something ( I don’t know, a umm computer or something with your car) and he offers to help you several times, but you refuse him every time by saying you’ll just let someone else look at it. Even though he may know jack squat about fixing computers or a car, just oblige him and let him give it a try. What’s the worse that could happen? You stroke his ego by making him feel that he contributed to you in some way? He already knows that you can take care of yourself, but if you remind him every 10 seconds that you don’t need him he will eventually find a woman who does need him. One sure-fire way to run a man off is to bruise his ego. No matter how beautiful you are, how much money you make, or the connections you have in any industry the man will just no longer be attracted to you and will find another woman who will let him be a man. Be proud of your accomplishments, but don’t let them ruin your chances with love.
Jessica Y. Adams